A Story

Do u know how much I love you?

as a friend.
as a family.
as a whatever-you-say-for-it to make us gather around.

I love the time when we laugh together,

when we can be free to be ourself,

free to be what we want to be.

to scream our anger,

to shout our dreams,

to talk and have an-any-things chit-chat,

do what we want,

go to wherever we want to go!

and more...

I love it so much!

maybe more than i can describe here,

I love being myself than wearing a mask!

I love to be with you than go out with all my fake friends,
'though it need to do sometimes!

Do you ever know it?

I'm not talking about one.

I'm talking about them. you. all.

I hate being fake!

I hate being a liar!

I hate to hide my-really-self!

Why i have to be like that around you?!
Should I like that?

why?!

Do you ever really know how hard i've TRIED?

Do you ever really understand how much i've SACRIFIED?

at first....I NEVER count it, NEVER,

until you PUSH me to do lots-of-things on and on!

until everything's 'TOO-OVER' than i ever expected.
and the only thing you can see is 'Excellent'

then i realized,

it's unorder.

i gave (TOO) much,

i sacrified (TOO) much,

and also...unwittingly...

it makes me expect much more than i ever do before.

i do wrong.

 i look to the mirror sometimes,
and found there's not me anymore.
"It's not me. It's someone else who just do what people want,
in order to make them happy."

"ABSOLUTELY...it's NOT me."

seems wanna say 'sorry' to myself,

for having pushed it too far, too hurt.

looks like i get so many regret 'til i can't speak anymore.

but in deepest heart, i just wanna learn.
want to forgive,
want to learn the good and forget the bad.
and be myself again.

Do you know, guys??

all of you who think that i'm fine.

all of you who think i don't keep my belief well.

all of you that have judge me for WHATEVER things i don't want to hear anymore.

Do YOU REALLY REALLY EVER KNOW and REALIZE??

i just looking for my God.

My Jesus.

My Christ and Lord,

My Irreplaceable Best Friend Ever

It's all Him. Just Him one and only.

and i've just tried to love you all.

'cause that's God's want.

but...WHY this seems  soo hard?

I want it to be a Story,
not just let it be a History this time.