Hi, been a long time Fellas :)
How's life?
Little share for today, about judging.
Most people are playing God.
Ironically and in fact, ourself does too, aren't we?
In many aspects, right and wrong..
Deserve undeserve, fit unfit.
___________
So upset with my dad.
Starting to dissapoint with anything he's done to us.
His life impact even when he still alive..
It's nightmare.
--honestly..feels like impossible to fully forgive my father--
At least, that what's in my head now
I've even prayed for bad things happen to him even...
At first, because of hatred..
Time flies, it changed, just wish for him realizing how worse his impact
to his family until today and his next grandchildren...
Lately, I start to just accept anything about him..but I don't even wanna care
anything about him..so evil? Should I trash my future and mental health to hold it?
I realize, I will never going anywhere if just fight with that one,
that in fact nothing assure i will win it soon. Maybe by time.
He has OCD. It almost kills me.
He doesn't want to open even the fridge at night.
Washed his hands like...many times in a day more than normal people do.
After open the door, after hold the lock, after cooking.
So clean, yet he never taking care of his house!
Hey...someone...just..please..help me.
________________
Why so hard to forgive someone?
Despite he's the one who walked through my childhood..
He sacrificed a lot, yet broke a lot.
Apa yg dia buat sama kamu? Is it bad things?
I am his dissapointness, because i love him so much when i was child.
But then i went away, and choose different 'path'..that he got it as a failure.
________________
Parents, please..
Whoever read this..I just want you to know..
Don't ever even said once, the path that your kids choose, is a failure.
It hurts the deepest.
Rather...accept it..SUPPORT it..
Be lucky at the moment they say the truth 'though it's ridiculous..
YOU ARE LUCKY THEY SAID IT TO YOU!!
They CAN choose to hide it, and you found him nowhere after.
But they decide wisely...TO TELL YOU!
Aprreciate it..embrace it...light the path they will face.
IF IT'S OBVIOUSLY WRONG, ask why they chose it.
THEY JUST NEED TO BE UNDERSTAND.
You and your children are same, yet different.
Path you think you will never win and get through,
they might be can overcome it best.
_______________
Guys...it's your life.
Your own responsibility.
For now,
I better not care..am I a caregiver or not..
Does my father have some sickness or not...
Thing I know, I can't learn from him directly for now.
I'm in a point, where I choose..
I kill him...or I better kill myself first..
Still in concious, I won't choose both. But I do in my head.
I better get rid of it soon, and move on.
________
I just want to go away, somewhere people cannot find me.
New place. New experience. New self-develop. New page.
